Most parents want their children to grow up to be like them: to savour the same food, appreciate the same music, enjoy the same pleasures. They also wish to transmit their values to their children and hope that they will eschew evil, not mix with the "wrong" crowd, and avoid "bad" personalities. They want them to like the people they like, and dislike the people they dislike. In the event of divorce, it is only human nature to attempt to persuade the children of a spouse's undesirable characteristics. Unfortunately, this aspect of human nature can be unwittingly amplified by the adversarial nature of our divorce courts. So it is that the phrase Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), coined by Columbia University professor Dr. Richard Gardner (1992), came to be used to describe those cases where a toxic parent persistently attempts to alienate the child or children from their remaining parent. One study commissioned by the American Bar Association Section of Family Law estimated that 80% of divorcing parents practiced parental programming to varying degrees and 20% of these did so at least once a day (Clawar & Rivlin, 1991).
Our understanding of PAS has steadily clarified over the last decade with more and more cases being recognized. Originally thought to be triggered solely by custody issues, PAS is now understood to be initiated by other influences like malicious third parties or disagreements about finance (Cartwright, 1993).
In trying to understand PAS, it is important to remember the following:
Naturally there is no simple or single answer to a problem as serious and as complex as PAS. The following suggestions are offered for consideration in the hope that the incidence of PAS may be reduced and the suffering of non-custodial parents and their children minimized.
Corrective legislation is necessary and will have a "trickle-down" effect on the participants. These participants include not only the principals and their significant others, their lawyers, and the children, but also various institutions like schools which have become unwittingly involved and which have historically tended to side with the alienators, often in contravention of the law.
The playing field must be gender level. There is widespread disappointment and frustration that custody continues to be routinely assigned to mothers, and access effectively denied to fathers. Non-custodial parents have reported time and again that their relationships with their children have been deliberately sabotaged (Vassiliou, 1998). This must be ameliorated.
There must be a wider range of assistance options available to divorcing parents. These should include not only mediation, but parent education, co-parenting schemes, support groups, etc.
Reliance on the divorce industry to solve these problems must be reduced. Despite the best attempts of social workers, psychologists, family mediators, divorce counsellors, lawyers, and judges who all comprise what has been loosely called "the divorce industry", the problems seems to be getting worse. Psychologists recommend more therapy, mediators recommend more mediation, social workers recommend more supervised visits, and lawyers recommend more litigation in order "to win". The process must be simplified and reliance on these professionals reduced if we are to achieve balanced solutions respected by all parties.
The Courts have a role. Though hopefully only as a last resort in problem resolution, the courts, sensitive to the issue of PAS, need to take swift and decisive action to prevent or stop the alienation process.
There must be a wider range of sanctions available
to discourage parents from alienating their children.. These should
include fines, loss of privileges (driver's licenses etc), penalties for
perjury and/or contempt of court, change of custody, and incarceration
if necessary.
Cartwright, G.F. (1993). Expanding the parameters of parental alienation syndrome. American Journal of Family Therapy, 21(3), 205-215.
Clawar, S.S. and Rivlin, B.V. (1991). Children held hostage: Dealing with programmed and brainwashed children. Chicago, IL: American Bar Association.
Gardner, R. (1992). The parental alienation syndrome: A guide for mental health and legal professionals. Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.
Vassiliou, D. (1998). Parental alienation syndrome:
The lost parents' perspective. Unpublished Master's thesis. Montreal:
McGill University.